Charlize Flux Up

No, I haven't seen the new Aeon Flux movie, but I'm going to pan it anyway. That's because I am a force for intolerance in this world.

Seeing the movie is not required, when it has two of the hallmarks of crap plain to see:

1. Inauthentic Costumes

You can usually predict the quality of a comic/science fiction adaption as soon as you see the first shots of the costumes. Catwoman, Daredevil, and Batman & Robin might as well have handed out vials of flop sweat as promos as soon as they released pictures of those costumes. Aeon Flux is the same way. It's like how Anthony Bourdain says to not eat in a restaurant with a gross bathroom. If they can't handle mopping a room that everyone sees, how do you think the kitchen is? Likewise, if they don't care enough to be true to the costumes, what do you think they will do with the rest of the source material? Don't even get me started on Legends of the Superheroes!

2. The Oscar Curse

I don't know if Charlize Theron signed on to this picture before or after she was nominated for an Oscar, but she should have known better! Who follows Monster with this? Is she trying to be Kim Basinger after LA Confidential? Or perhaps Halle Barry. Halle also hit the bifecta, picking up both crap hallmarks with the aforementioned Catwoman.

Part of me hoped that the movie could be good, but really what was the point? The best Aeon Flux cartoons were the short ones with little or no dialogue. Even the half-hour format of the AF series stretched the concept too thin. She runs, she shoots, she wears an impossible outfit. There is a guy named Trevor, with whom she has an unclear relationship. She does that fly trick with her eye. That's it. It worked and in my day that's the way we liked it.

Now, if someone tells me that Charlize catches a fly with her eyelashes, I may reconsider.